Symphony’s Birth Story
They all told me, You'll know when it's the real deal. Trust me, you'll know.
I was in early labor for three weeks prior to my due date. Between nightly three mile walks and bouncing on my trusty yoga ball, I was sure I was going early. I tried everything. Primrose oil (which definitely helped me efface), walking ridiculous hills, pineapple, spicy foods, jumping jacks, dance parties, and my last resort was castor oil. Which didn't work. And didn't give me the runs either. #fail and #win.
But on June 26, at 2:00 in the morning, I woke up out of a dead sleep to the "real deal."
I didn't know if the emotion I was feeling was excitement or nervousness, but whatever it was, it motivated me to shower, clean my house, and triple check our hospital bags. At 4:30 I woke Ty. We timed contractions and at the four minute mark we loaded up the car.
From the beginning, everything was like a movie to me.
Driving down Sunset Blvd was a bit surreal. Our lives were about to change. The sun was just coming up and she was shining extra glittery, as if she knew it too.
We made a quick stop at Chic-Fil-A (naturally) because I knew once I'd had the epidural, they weren't going to let me eat. So biscuit, egg, and chicken breakfast sandwich it was.
One hospital gown, an IV and 4cm later, I was in my room, which was big enough to fit our Brady bunch of a family, and feeling as confident as ever.
I wanted to get to 6cm before I did any meds for pain relief. I wasn't going to be a hero, but I wanted to see what I was capable of. Ty walked the halls with me and did counter-pressure like a champ. Seriously, best coach ever. He's for hire if you need.
During contractions, he would whisper sweet things about what our baby was going to be like, how beautiful I was, and how proud he was of me. His encouragement single handedly kept me going. I kept thinking of all the seasons we'd been through as a couple and how this was yet another catalyst that made me love him even more. Was that even possible? Yes it was.
I got to 6cm and the shooting pain, shaking limbs and exhaustion became unbearable. I asked the nurse to call the midwife, who called the doctor, who called the anesthesiologist. My contractions kept their quickening pace during the epidural but the doctor started to worry about whether the baby was going to fit through my canal. We'll let things happen as they want to and cross that bridge when we get there. You're doing great, she said.
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The hours that followed were filled with unexpected laughter, visits from family, and a little bit of sleep. The room was charged with happiness and excitement. This can't be real, I said to myself over and over. Everything is happening so beautifully. Even my water breaking was dramatic and straight out of a movie. Gushing and a costume change for the midwife may have happened.
At 10:00pm, Miss Mo had not yet made her appearance and Ty and I started to accept the fact she was going to wait it out til our anniversary. Yes, June 27 was two hours away and while we joked about her stealing the show, I don't think it could have been more perfect timing.
Our life together started that day and to think that our life as a family would start the same day, four years later, was overwhelming to me. She would make us better, fuller, wholer.
Midnight came and it was time to push.
And push.
And push.
And push. For five hours.
This was where things got crazy.
No one could have prepared me for the ocean of emotions I felt that day. I'd dreamed of these moments for so long. What it would feel like to experience labor, the pushing, and its aftermath. That moment when I would push for the last time before my girl's wrinkled little body would slip through in perfection and I'd be the first thing she saw. Heard. Felt.
So I pushed. And pushed. And pushed with that image in mind.
I started pushing at midnight. My nurse was such a sweetie and had so much hope that I would be just fine. She guided each push while Ty cheered me on like a football coach in the last seconds of a victorious fourth quarter.
Do you see her head?! The nurse exclaimed.
She was coming.
They gave me a mirror at one point so I could see her dark hair poking through and that fueled me to push all the more. Just a little bit more. A couple more.
Here she comes! They said. A couple more big ones!
Then I fell asleep. The time between contractions wasn't much but my eyes were barely open and my head felt like it was swirling in Alice's wonderland porthole. At the three hour mark they let me rest for 15 minutes, while my mom put a cool washcloth on my swelling red face and Ty mysteriously changed my socks. I woke up to his hand brushing my cheeks and hair. Babe, there's a chance she's not going to come out. We need to consider the possibility of a C-Section.
Wait, what? No, I can do it. I can see her. Let me try one more time.
Because her heart rate was steady as a rock, the doctors let me go until something happened. I wanted it that way.
So I pushed again.
Don't worry baby girl, I thought, I'm going to get you out. I can't wait to see you. Hold you. Love you and kiss the giant nose you inherited from your Daddy. I can't wait to show you around this big beautiful world our God designed. It's just beautiful. Don't worry, I'm going to get you out.
5AM came, marking hour five of pushing, and between the swelling and popping blood vessels, baby Mo hadn't moved any closer to crowning.
The OB on call came in and said she believed my pelvic bone wasn't wiggling open any further and the baby's head was stuck up against it. She gave me the standard options of ways they could attempt to manipulate her out but Ty and I both knew if those didn't work, she'd be doubly banged up and a C-Section would happen anyways.
I'll never forget the look in his eyes; the tears, the fear and worry when he said Baby, it's okay, you pushed so hard. I'm so proud of you.
He leaned in to give me a kiss and I grabbed his neck with desperation.
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I knew it wasn't my fault, these things happen and all ten people in that room knew I tried my absolute hardest. But it was all I could think of to say.
Then, in what felt like a flash, I was wheeled away and prepped for some major abdominal surgery.
This was it. And the irony of it all? This is exactly how I was born.
Since the early days of pregnancy, I'd wondered what life was like for my mom, before me. Who was she? Did she sing like me? Was she adventurous? What was her dating life like? How did she handle being so far away from her family? What did she dream of doing? How did she dream of changing the world?
It was sad for me to think that Symphony might never know the "Ty & Jules" before her. She'll always know us as "Mom & Dad."
So I had my mom tell me my own birth story months before. She'd shared bits and pieces of it over the years, but from start to finish, it was a weird mixture of identical and opposite to my own.
On a wintery Sunday in 1988, there laid a 23 year old girl, alone, in an East Coast hospital. 29+ hours of labor when her baby girl got stuck up against her pelvic bone and a C-section was in order.
Now, 25 years later, that girl was me. Except the fact that I was in a West Coast hospital, surrounded by the most important people in my life. But like my mother, modern medicine and the hand of God were making it possible for my baby girl to be minutes away from her first breath.
For that I am thankful.
You'll feel a little cold and then you won't feel anything at all, the lady anesthesiologist said. Ty was outside the operating room door because they wouldn't let him in while I was being prepped. I was more worried about him than I was about myself. C-sections didn't scare me. I was going to be okay. But he didn't know that. Why? Because I never prepped him for one.
That's right. I was so confident in my diet and exercising that I thought for sure nothing was going to get in the way of pushing this kiddo out. My factors were unexhausted however; muscles (check), stamina (check), flexibility (check), education (check). I never factored in my bone structure (damn).
They called him in, he grabbed my hand, and to be honest, I don't remember much after this.
It's all a blurry collage of blue scrubs, loud beeps and a ton of pressure. I mean a ton of pressure.
I remember Ty peeking over the curtain and marveling at my innards. Don't look at that! I yelled. Disgusting.
I remember him saying it was awesome, though his face said otherwise.
I remember hearing the doctors call out all their fancy tools like something straight out of Grey's Anatomy and then I remember hearing them talk over each other. Someone get down there and push.
Awesome. I freaked. As much as a numb girl could. She's not going to make it. What if she doesn't make it.
And then I heard it. The loudest, most excruciating and beautiful scream I would ever hear in my entire life. Even the doctors told us she holds the record for loudest newborn.
She was here.
Ty ran to the table where they were cleaning her up. Symphony, he sang. Symphony it's your Daddy.
Silence. And eyes wide open.
That's when I lost it. She knew him. And while it didn't happen as I dreamed, with me being her first sight, this might have been more perfect.
Her Daddy, her provider, her protector, the first man who will ever show her what real, pure and true love is was what she saw and heard first.
He wrapped her and brought her over so I could see her and through my tears I whispered, She's beautiful. And then, She looks more Mexican that I thought she was going to. Deep, I know.
But it's true, she's her Daddy's girl and I wouldn't have it any other way.
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Symphony Mae, from the very beginning we knew you were meant for something great. You are a miracle to us and we'll never let you forget it. Your life has brought joy and hope and faith to so many people, some you will most likely never know.
God formed you and fashioned you to perfection, and while you'll question His handiwork one day, your Daddy and I hope to give you such a foundation that our faith will contagious to you.
He is good. He is faithful. He has created you for something great. And you, my little world changer, are already off to a great start.
